How our society has conditioned us away from pleasure, and how to come back home to yourself.
A few days ago I made an Instagram post talking all about the importance of experiencing pleasure in the body as a means of releasing stress and, ultimately, increasing health (and in my case, losing weight and inflammation).
What started off as a seemingly simple post – I woke up one morning, was excited to share my results, channeled the message and hit post – turned into a litany of angry messages from women all over the world.
Imagine, a woman (me) celebrating her success and being pleased with herself online while a whole hoard of others (them) light fires and gather pitchforks, ready to take her down.
Reading through and holding space for all the angry DM’s I received, I noticed a common theme: all these women feel that pleasure is inaccessible to them, or don’t even understand what pleasure is!
The idea that enjoying your body AND losing weight could be a pleasurable experience was so triggering to them that they just couldn’t help but to let me know just how wrong I was about this whole situation.
My heart goes out to them.
It got me thinking about how our perception of pleasure has really been shifted in this world. Many of the women who reached out to me were coming from a place of pleasure starvation:
“You can’t just eat whatever you want and have a healthy body!”
“This is out of touch with reality! Pleasure doesn’t change anything!”
“Go back to whatever it is you normally do and leave the nutrition to the experts!”
“How DARE you imply that pleasure would have a meaningful impact on our bodies?!”
There was a lot of rage.
And yeah – when you look at pleasure from this lens, it doesn’t make sense. Let’s be clear here – pleasure is not about eating a 12lb brick of cheese and drinking two bottles of wine just because it feels good. It is not doing a 3-hour porn marathon because it feels good. It is not sitting on the couch eating potato chips for weeks on end because it feels good. It is not splurging on a new dress that is way out of your financial comfort zone because it feels good.
This, my friends, is dopamine addiction and escapism.
Certainly these activities aren’t going to lead you anywhere you want to go!
So then what exactly IS pleasure?
What was I talking about in this post?
Our society has demonized pleasure. It has minimized it, boxed it in, and made it wrong. What this experience really highlighted to me is how we, as a society, have married pleasure to gluttony.
Why would we do this? Why would we make pleasure, a natural state, so inaccessible and bad? While simultaneously praising hustle, grind, stress, and sacrifice?
This my friends is the industrial era mentality that we are alchemizing.
The idea that we have to work hard, push, slave, grind, and forego pleasure for some off-in-the-future promised land called “retirement” and “home security”. That if we work our asses off for someone else for 60 or so years, maybe we’ll get a little freedom in the end (with a body too broken to actually go out and explore the world).
The idea that only the rich, the royal, and the criminal get to enjoy their pleasures – and they enjoy so much that they’re fat, sloppy, and gross.
Sound familiar?
This is how we motivate a working class to work. This is how we convince them that not only do they not deserve pleasure, they don’t even want it! After all who wants to be a fat and out-of-touch rolly polly rich guy?
Let me ask your heart this:
- Are you here to be in the working class?
- Are you here to work hard?
I’m willing to bet your heart (despite what your head says) is screaming NO. Because you’re here, you’re reading this, you’re in my auric field. Which means you’re here for more. You’re here for different. You’re here for bliss and transcendental states. You’re here for love and power and impact. You’re here to lead the world in a different way, out of the industrial age.
This doesn’t mean there won’t be things to do. This doesn’t mean there won’t be sacred sacrifice and sometimes hard times DO come up. But they’re your 20%, not your 80% (or 100%!).
This is the world you want to create. I know this, because you’re here.
And the best way to lean into that version of you, my love, is to lean into your PLEASURE.
NOT Dopamine addiction. NOT Gluttony. NOT escapism through shopping, eating, porn, or ignorance. PLEASURE.
So let’s clear a few things up here, shall we?
What exactly IS pleasure? And if it’s not eating pizza and carbs and masturbating to porn until you’re blue in the face (or other areas of your body…), then what is it?
Pleasure is a subjective experience of a state of being. Much like gratitude, happiness, or joy. It is usually accompanied by gratitude and satisfaction. And, it is a choice.
Because it is a state of being it is an energy we can consciously tap into in every single day. We can CHOOSE pleasure just like we can choose dissatisfaction, apathy, frustration, etc.
Everything in life is a choice. Including pleasure.
We don’t get to choose what happens to us – but we do get to choose how we react to it, what we make it mean, and what we do about it. We get to choose our state; every moment of every day. So why wouldn’t you choose pleasure?
Think about your regular day-to-day life. What are you doing right now? Are you sitting at your computer reading this article? What if you were to tap into pleasure right here, right now?
What if you were to notice the sounds off in the distance, and take pleasure in that?
What if you were to notice the smell of the room you’re in, and take pleasure in that?
What if you were to notice the feeling of the air on your skin, and take pleasure in that?
What if you were to notice the feeling of your heart beating, at take pleasure in that?
What if you were to notice the energy of your sex, and take pleasure in that?
Stay there for a moment and just pay attention – what happens to your body?
I bet that sacral energy got pretty excited for having some attention!
And, what else?
How does your body feel now?
Notice how much more relaxed you are. You’re at peace, content, maybe even smiling. It might not have lasted for long. But for at least a few brief moments – you tapped into TRUE pleasure.
And, you just experienced your very own self pleasure practice!
IN PUBLIC, MY GAWD
You dirty girl, you.
Notice how you didn’t have to change anything about your environment. You didn’t have to go watch porn or Netflix. You didn’t have to eat a cake. You didn’t have to buy a $5,000 Gucci handbag. You didn’t have to own a Mazarati. You didn’t have to lose 20 lbs.
You kept everything the same! All that changed was that you consciously CHOSE pleasure in that moment.
And your entire body relaxed.
Breathed a breath of fresh air.
Said “thank you”.
This is why pleasure activism is so important. We are so bent out of shape on what pleasure does and doesn’t mean, how safe it is & whether it’s desirable at all. Quite frankly we’re misinformed (intentionally). And what we’re misinformed with scares us.
Like I said in the beginning, who on Earth would want to lean into pleasure if all it gets us is gluttony and sadness? Or if we’ve been taught that doing things that generate pleasure are mean, wrong, shameful, bad for our bodies, etc.
This is not what pleasure is meant to be – and this is exactly why I’ve been so inspired to re-launch my flagship program the Sexual Empowerment Academy – where we’ll be diving DEEP into somatic processing, releasing of our societal conditioning, and stepping into your more tapped in, turned on, and authentic self. You can watch for that course coming in HOT later this summer.
For now, my invitation to you is this:
Any time you notice your body in a state of anger, frustration, tension, or stress – ask yourself “where can I find pleasure in this moment?”
And when you find it, sink into that feeling like you’re sinking into a warm bath. Feel it through your body, and let it overcome you.
Then, notice what happens next!
& obviously come back here to this blog and let me know – because I can’t wait to see the magick that happens in your life when you start sinking into your pleasure.
I love you all.
To your continued epic sex,
Stephanie Jaie
PS don’t forget to share this with the babes in your life who might need a little reminder to step into their pleasure
PPS coming up soon is Magnetic: The Energetics of Dating – keep your eyes peeled if you’ve been looking to heal how you attract and show up in relationships!
