Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to keep your New Years resolutions? Why every single year we set ourselves up with the best of intentions, with the greatest drive and motivation, with the most open hearts – and yet, by March, we’re chilling on the couch watching Netflix and binging donuts – AGAIN.
The Fisher College of Business estimates that only 9% of the population actually completes their New Years resolutions. Only 9%! Pretty wild when you think about it.
One of the things I love to consider is why, exactly, we as a species are so dedicated to continuing an annual ritual that factually and scientifically is proven NOT to work… but that’s a blog post for another day (let me know in the comments if you’d like this to be another post!).
Today as New Years approaches, let’s instead take a look at WHY it is that your New Years resolutions are just so f@cking hard to maintain in the first place.
Here’s 3 REASONS you will fail at your 2024 NYE resolutions (that you won’t hear anywhere else):
1. You’re not picking things you ACTUALLY WANT
Let’s be real for a minute: who are you picking your NYE resolutions for? Are you picking them because YOU actually want these things, because they’ll make YOU feel good? Or because they’re what is expected of you, or you think you need to do in order to be loved?
Often times we are picking our resolutions (and all our goals, really) because of an external perception that these goals will somehow make us worthy of love from those around us; not because they’re what we actually WANT.
Extrinsic goals – the kind we have for everybody else, are the hardest ones to achieve because they require incredible amounts of will power and determination. Why? Because at our core we don’t actually want these things. We just want the love we think we’ll get from achieving them. And, depending on your Human Design, a huge majority of the population just does not have this kind of willpower available to them (take a look at your G-Center, Will Center, and Energy Type for more details on this).
Intrinsic goals – the kind that light us up from within, that get us excited to get out of bed every single day, the kind that have their own natural inherent motivation because they naturally feel good to pursue; these are the goals that we want to focus on. These are our heart’s desires, the ones we were put on this Earth to achieve, the reason our soul is here. These are an example of living for US vs living for everybody else.
The cool thing about intrinsic goals is that when we’re living in alignment with our Heart’s Desires, with our intrinsic goals, we are going to NATURALLY achieve everything else on our wishlist: more money, more love, more stability, more health, more grace, more synchronicities – all of those will flow out of you naturally as a result of you living in alignment with your soul’s purpose, your heart’s desires, with your intrinsic goals.
Focusing on your intrinsic goals is one of the secret ways to catalyze your success in 2024: it’s a potent one-two punch that helps you radically transform your life in a way that is actually fun and feels good to you.
This is why the Desire Resolution retreat teaches you an in-depth, step-by-step process to uncover your heart’s desires. When you’re with us, we’ll make sure what you’re calling in for 2024 is in your highest alignment and will feel delicious to pursue for the entire year.
Between now and then, you can use these prompts to help you align to your hearts desires:
- Who am I living for?
- Who benefits most from me achieving these goals?
- What do I feel in my heart when I think of having these goals?
2. You focus on structure and limitation instead of pleasure and expansion
Most of our New Years goals focus on how we are going to structure, limit, or reduce ourselves:
- Lose 10 lbs
- Stop drinking alcohol
- Quit smoking
- Go to bed earlier / get up earlier
- Stop eating fast food
- Spend less money
This sounds a lot more like martial than a fun way to spend the rest of the year, am I right?!
Like seriously who wakes up in the morning and says “F@ck yeah I’m gonna stop doing all the things I love and enjoy today for an entire YEAR!”
…. nobody …
Cuz that fucking SUCKS.
You do the things you do now because you enjoy them. Right, wrong, or indifferent, they make you feel good! They ease your pain. They make life worth living.
And now here you are thinking you’re going to take them ALL away and it’ll be easy and successful?
When we look at it from this frame it doesn’t make any sense, does it?
Not to mention that from an energetic perspective; phrasing your resolutions in such a way is actually programming you to do them MORE. Our subconscious mind / energy don’t hear the negatives in these words, so when we say “stop drinking alcohol” what we’re programming into the field is “drinking alcohol”.
Instead of creating a list of rules for yourself straight out of 1984, this year I’m inviting you to focus on your pleasure. Specifically, focusing on the pleasure, joy, and expansion you will feel at the completion of the goal. How is completing this goal going to make you feel? Why do you want to achieve it?
In the Desire Resolution retreat we will help take you through this process and reframe every one of your 2024 desires – whether you have 3 or 300 – into positive, pleasure based, embodied affirmations that actually WORK.
Here’s a few examples to get you started:
- Lose 10 lbs becomes: I feel sexy and empowered in my favorite bikini
- Spend less money: My bank account expands in delicious ways every day
Don’t these feel so much better to achieve?
3. You’re trying to change from the MIND instead of from the body
Many of us try to make changes from the mind. ESPECIALLY those of us who have been on the personal development track for a few years. We’ve learned about beliefs, mindset, upper limits, the whole nine yards. And while this is super valuable information to have – let me be frank: changing our reality from this perspective is slow, hard, and tedious.
Why? Because you’re working with a realm of reality that is slow and hard to change. The thoughts that play in our mind come from two places: the BODY’s response to our environment, and the way your IDENTITY chooses to receive it.
While many teachings tell you that the mind is where everything happens (and technically when we look at the Hermetic teachings of the Kybalion this is true), the missing complexity here, the subtle teaching that is being ignored is that your thoughts are not your mind.
So many of us get trapped in thinking that if we shift our thoughts then everything magickally changes – only to discover that changing your thoughts is actually quite a bit of hard work.
Here’s the secret: when we work with the body FIRST, the thoughts (and the identity, and the mind) will change automatically.
When we focus on releasing tension and anxiety in the body, everything becomes easier. When we focus on breathing when we are stressed, everything releases. When we focus on surrender and trust, the world is able to meet us in its beauty.
When you think of your dream reality for this year, how does it feel in your body? Does it feel expansive, or are there some parts of you that feel a bit of a contraction? Like they’re not quite along for the ride? Most commonly this shows up as a tightness in the chest – part of us wants to believe this is possible, but our past realities (and thoughts) are saying “nah it can’t be this easy!”.
Take some time today or tomorrow to tune into that restriction in the chest – breathe into it, and let it release. Notice how much lighter you feel, and how much more easeful the rest of your day becomes.
In the Desire Resolution retreat we will be focusing on somatic embodiment based practices just like the one above; helping you embody your new reality from day one of 2024 and releasing contractions and fears from the past. This allows you to create your dream reality – a life beyond your wildest dreams – all from a place of ease and flow, instead of restriction and limitation.
In Summary: The best way to ensure 2024 is going to be your best year yet is to do things a little bit differently; focus on intrinsically motivated goals, pleasure and expansion, and embodiment – and watch how your entire life changes before your eyes!
Looking for a little more hands-on support in this journey? Then the Desire Resolution Retreat is for you. Join us on December 29th, 30th, and the morning of the 31st where we will dive deep into these and other core teachings that have allowed myself, Chelsey, and hundreds of our students to create a life more beautiful than they ever imagined.
You can learn more about the Desire Resolution Retreat at this link: Desire Resolution 2024
Love, pleasure, and abundance
Stephanie Jaie
