Going through the void was one of the hardest, scariest, and best experiences of my life. And now, on the other side, it’s time for me to share with you exactly what I journeyed, and what it means for me now (spoiler: I found my DHARMA, baby! Keep reading)
How It All Started
As many of you know, my father passed away on December 8th. What some of you may not know is that right before he passed I entered the depths of the deepest, darkest void I have ever experienced.
I talked a lot about the process of this void on Instagram (head to @StephaieJaie and click the “lives” highlight, it’s the 2nd one) but didn’t go into great detail on the major shifts and transformations that happened during this time. I was still alchemizing and integrating the lessons, but now I feel ready to share with you all.
This void really shook my foundation – everything that I thought was real, solid, and tangible dissolved around me.
- Several close friendships fell away rather abruptly
- My physical health deteriorated rapidly
- We received guidance we needed to leave Bali (but didn’t yet know where to go!)
- My connection to source, divinity, and myself evaporated
- My energy and vitality or desire to do literally anything vanished
- Our business, the Prysm, fell away
- I realized that many of the business coaches and consultants we had hired were, to put it nicely, wildly out of alignment with my personal values and we had been embodying energies from these individuals that was not serving us
- The nature of my relationship with Cian shifted – several times, in several different directions – and continues to shift
- My relationship to my mother, sister, and overall family shifted and churned as we navigated the death of my father
- In many ways, my identity was ripped away from me. I was no longer a writer, no longer a coach, no longer a daughter, no longer about to be a mother, no longer an advocate for pleasure, no longer a magician, no longer…. anything
The void can look a LOT like depression. And I believe, if we don’t learn the lessons and surrender to the process, this is what it eventually turns into: a long term rejection of our divinity and trapped-ness in the void.
Thankfully for me, once we got to Bangkok the fog started to lift. My body started to heal, my spirit started to heal, and the lessons of these very hard moments in the void started to become clear.
Cian and I had made the decision during my void that eventually I would re-launch the Stephanie Jaie brand as a solo brand (the way it had always been intended). But to be honest I just couldn’t find the fucking energy to do it. At this stage writing one blog post took me a week and I needed to sleep for two days afterwards. How was I going to run a business? (and THAT was a whole ego trip in itself – you can imagine the stories of “who TF are you to be telling people to do the hard things when you won’t even get your fucking ass out of bed and make ONE social media post?! What kind of human even are you?!” oooph you guys it was ROUGH).
Then – just like magick – everything started to shift. I started waking up with more energy. Not every day – but some of the days. Those days, I celebrated! The other days, I rested with gratitude. I softened my ego out of the hustle energy and allowed myself to just BE in whatever energy was coming at the moment. I realized that in the previous year I had fallen victim to my old mentality of ego and hustle, that I had fallen victim to relationship patterns that didn’t serve me, that I had fallen victim to coaches and mentors that were not aligned – I had lost my voice, I had lost my boundaries, I had lost my power, I had lost my knowing. And THIS is why the void hit me so deep and so hard. It needed to strip away everything – and I mean quite literally EVERYTHING – that I had inadvertently absorbed as “me”.
Because these things WEREN’T ME. And I needed to come back to ME.
As the fog cleared and I slowly came back into myself, another layer of shifting happened. As I remembered my boundaries, and my power, a few things that the universe had left in my space started to bug me. Started to irritate me. Started to enrage me.
Soon I was the Queen of Swords relentlessly cutting away things of my own free will. Whatever did not serve, I was getting rid of it. Clothings, products, identities, people, you name it! The fire was back in my belly. I could see so clearly all the ways I had lost myself over the previous year and quite frankly, it made me fucking mad.
I spent much of April, May, and June processing deep levels of rage. Anger. Abandonment. Grief. Fear. This alchemization by fire that happens at the end of the void journey – burning away all the last remnants of the person I had become so I could step into the person I came here to be.
That person honestly, truly showed up for me while I was on the road. Traveling to the red carpet in LA, flying to visit my family for my father’s memorial and speaking on stage in Winnipeg, and going to Tallinn for my very first Mindvalley Conference.
This time transformed me. Not all at once, but slowly. Each interaction with a new glorious human reminding me of my mission, my vision, my purpose, my pleasure.
Reminding me of how beautiful this world is, giving me vitality and energy back, and lighting a fire under my ass like I have never experienced before.
When I came back from Tallin I could’t WAIT to re-launch the Stephanie Jaie brand.
I couldn’t WAIT to share with you my learnings.
I couldn’t WAIT to build courses, and show up on live, to build community, to connect, to shine.
It was coursing through my veins and so palpable that there were many nights I honestly didn’t sleep at all.
In short – I am back, baby. And back in a more powerful, more integrated, and more grounded way than I ever have been before. More ME than ever before. And it feels goooooood.
This void, and the trip following immediately afterwards completely changed my life.
Divine timing at it’s finest.
I’m literally tearing up as I write this to you because my heart is SO full of gratitude for the magic that was on the other side of this void, and the lessons (albeit hard ones) that were within it.
The truth is I preach radical responsibility on a daily basis – and I had not been taking that for myself. This void was showing me that loud and clear. And brought me back into integrity with myself.
The universe speaks to me so much more clearly now; unencumbered by the voices and opinions of others (my ego included). When she speaks, I fucking listen.
And she has told me so fucking clearly: THIS IS YOUR DHARMA.
Pleasure embodiment.
Being the weird one.
Being the luxurious one.
Being the royal one.
Being the sexual one.
Being the taboo one.
Being the loud one.
Being the abrasive one.
Being the rebellious one.
You’re here to shake shit up!
You don’t fit into spiritual communities because they value harmony over authenticity and bitch you’re not here for harmony. You’re here to shine light on the shadows of sexuality, to empower humans to come back to their divinity using this sacred energy, and you can’t fucking do that if you’re trying to be somebody else.
Stop hiding behind the shadow of others, stop hiding behind the fear of judgement, stop hiding behind the resistance of “too much work”.
When you do this work, it will light you up.
It is your dharma – it’s why you’re here – and it’s the ONLY thing you can do now.
It is time to live your dharma.
It’s time to start showing up for YOU. Because when you show up for YOU – everyone will notice, and your impact will ripple through the planet.
And, my loves, isn’t that exactly what has been happening?
For those of you who feel that you might be in a void
Know that this is a time of surrender and trust. Like being in the womb, there’s no way to know up or down, no way to know when it will end – but trust that the rebirthing that happens on the other side will be more magickal and beautiful than anything you could have ever imagined. Know that the things that fall away are falling away for a reason. Give yourself permission to grieve, my loves. Give yourself permission to FEEL. To experience, to BE. This is the only way through. It is painful, I know. And if you ever need support, feel free to hit me up on Instagram @StephanieJaie. I’m here for you.
What Comes Next?
Well, baby – it’s shake shit up time! And what better time to do that than during my OWN favourite astrological time of year: LEO SEASON!
Divine timing once again, am I right?!
To celebrate the return of my energy, vitality, and DHARMA in life to normalize and catalyze pleasure embodiment and sexual energy in this world; I have been divinely guided to create SIX (yes – 6!) offers for you all that will be available throughout the Leo Season (look at that shift from taking 7 days to make ONE blog post to taking 3 weeks to make SIX courses! It’s fucking mind blowing ya’ll)
Here is what you can expect for this Leo Season & the relaunch of the Stephanie Jaie brand:
Available Now (and on sale till Aug 8)
Fluorescence: 3 Month Tantric Transformation (yeah baby my epic 1:1 containers are BACK!)
July 25th
Extravagance: Venus in Leo Retrograde Workshop released – fully digital workshop
August 1st
Magnetic: Energetics of Attraction – fully digital mini-course is released (link available when doors open)
August 8th
PORTAL: Lions Gate FREE LIVE Activation held on Instagram (make sure to sign up so you get access to meditations, workbooks, and prizes!)
Sexual Empowerment Academy Doors OPEN – that’s right, the SEA is BACK and it is completely rebuilt, refactors, and better than ever! (link available when doors open)
August 15th
A brand new FREE Pleasure Activation 3-day Challenge (runs live on the 16, 17, & 18 over on Instagram) – again, make sure to sign up to get access to the meditation.
August 22nd
The Doors for the SEA officially close (program starts on September 3rd).
If you’re doing the math – you’ll see that is a new course/product released every Tuesday (Mars Day) for the entire Leo season.
You can also expect to see new blog posts coming from me, soon – AND I’ve manifested FOUR GUEST WRITING SPOTS on exciting and highly aligned magazines – so keep your eyes peeled for that content.
Coming up beyond August, I’ve been gifted inspiration for:
– Pleasure in Business Digital Course
- Make Money Your Lover LIVE Container (this will essentially be SEA Level 2 – so if this is interesting to you make sure you get into this round of the SEA)
– Pussy Power: The Shy Girls Guide To Orgasmic Manifestation (my first ever solo book!)
And BABES – I’m just. getting. fucking. started.
This is the power of being on purpose – being able to create like this, live like this, flow like this. It has been intense but honestly it has also been flow. And through this entire journey I have been 100% prioritizing my pleasure. I have spent more time with friends, in ritzy restaurants, at the spa, and receiving totally deeeelicious yoni massages in the last 6 weeks than I had in the last 3 years combined. I’ve even signed up for pole dancing classes!
Because when we’re lit up in our Eros – our literal life force energy – we have the vitality to do anything.
Commitments I am making to YOU
It has to be said – two of the things I want to call out here and be totally, brutally honest about as it pertains to mentors I have worked with over the past year:
1. Their pricing schema SUCKED. I fucking hated it, it never felt good. This idea of “charge high ticket because you can” fucking boils my goddamned blood. I will never do it again. The prices you see for my courses now are WAY lower than their value, way lower than their perceived transformation, and way lower than a “business coach” was telling me to sell them at. – AND they’re where they feel good to me and that’s what fucking matters. Anyone who was around for The Prysm will be pleasantly surprised by these prices, and that delights me.
2. The marketing tactics were RUDE. “Email every day, twice a day, SEVEN TIMES A DAY” they said. And I listened. And you know what? I hated that, too. And you guys did too, you told me that! So I promise you right now – I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
What I AM committing to you from a marketing email perspective is this:
– announcement email when something new releases
– mid-launch email when we’re halfway through the launch cycle
– final closing email to remind you there’s 24 hours left.
That’s it – I promise! I know sometimes we need to see things a few times which is why I’m still sending out three (and I know sometimes life gets in the way and we genuinely forget!). AND I am trusting that if you’re meant for my containers you’ll find them, and I don’t have to annoy the fuck out of you with half-baked marketing in the process.
And so – that’s my personal update for you all! I’m sure in the coming months there will be more to share as I navigate these new waters and this new being that has emerged from within me.
Another commitment I have to you is authenticity. You can always ask me questions and I will ALWAYS answer them honestly. As things continue to shift in my world you’ll see more blog posts like this one – raw, truthful, and authentic; about how I’m navigating the big shifts that I can feel are still happening in my field and bring you a little “BTS” on what life is REALLY like in my world.
I hope you’re ready for that level of transparency, babe!
And I hope to see you in any one (or all!) of my containers I’ve created.
As you can tell this energy is fucking powerful and I cannot WAIT to share it with you all!
Let me know in the comments what parts of this most resonated for you!
Much love, pleasure, and abundance
Stephanie Jaie
